Musings by Taniya

Please call me a fool the day I declare i  know everything!!!  Please call me a fool the day I stop learning!!!  Because learning should and can never stop until we are living and breathing and the one who feel he doesn't have anything left to learn is the world's biggest fool. Learning is an evergreen ever running project. We are always capable of learning something from anyone, anywhere and anytime, if we are amenable to it. Doesn't a child teach us to be responsible parent? Doesn't a tiff or an argument teach us about patience? Even the sun, rain, the changing seasons and infact everything in this entire universe is always imparting it's own lessons, but we are ignorant and immune to them.  Learning gives us freedom. Freedom from biases and beliefs passed down to us, freedom from prejudices handed to us, freedom from self depreciation and collapse. Learning removes the shackles of our mind and sets us free. Learning enables us to think for ourselves and make disc...

If it makes sense to you and it makes sense to me, howsoever nonsensical we may be together, does it really matter if it doesn't make sense to nobody else? It's you and me who have to brave it together  It's you and me who have to find the funny in each other's jokes It's you and me who are having our private conversations  It's you and me who are learning and growing with each other Then if it seems improbable to everyone else,  even it seems whimsical to all,  why do you and me need bother? Why do we need to explain our actions or justify your assumptions? Why do we need to modify ourselves to suit your ideals? Why do we have to check our reactions to everyones fancy? Let's be lost in our own little world.  Let's be free and unfettered together nary a care. Let's put a pause to hearing others thoughts and feelings about us. Let's make our world with the bricks and cement only we can procure. Let's embark on this journey without any destinat...

My life is on pause I have goals to achieve  Miles to traverse.  Life can wait  Until I reach whenever Dear life please wait I have reels to watch. My life is on pause Burdened by jobs and family  I wonder I am doing the job for family  Or family has become my job. I promise you life I'll get back to you Wait some more One more promotion  One more birthday  One more digit in my account  One more thing to my name Just one more.... My life is on pause I barely register the moments passing me I curse every Monday I waste every Sunday  I work all day so I can sleep in my expensive bed Then I lie awake as life whispers remember me. My life is on pause I'll live it soon I promise I have seen the future, I have eternity  Just wait for the perfect tomorrow  Now as reapers come for me I see life on my death bed Walking me through my wasted life Laughing at me saying  I was never on pause, I was beside you  Just a choice away. I rem...

I think we live our lives a lot like the way we drink our coffee.  When it's hot and steaming, we are afraid to drink it lest it burns our tongue, but by the time we muster our courage to dive in, it's turned cold and inedible.  So tell me, isn't it how we end up living our lives too. When we are young, hale and hearty we are reluctant to take risks, we stop short of giving our all and we keep playing safe. We don't love, live or speak out hearts out sans restraint. Everything is controlled, domesticated and sanitised to utmost suit others aspirations and assumptions about us. By the time, age and experience teaches us to enjoy the life, usually time and life has whizzed past us. Opportunities are dried up, relations have become bland and we spend the last vestiges of our lives regretting and lamenting over our delicious and precious coffee gone wasted.  I wonder how hot and drinkable my coffee is? On my part I've tried sipping it hot all the while scalding my tongu...

Wasted..........Time!!!! Wasted is the time I spent  Hiding from my past Forgotten moments that are done and dusted.  Besides a few valuable lessons  That is all I get crying over what's past... Either I am living or reliving the memories. Wasted is the time I spent  Fretting or wishing over a future yet to come.  A future so unpredictable and uncertain  Yet I gambled my time and wasted my certainty beyond reason,  Over a yet to occur happening. Wasted is the time whence I forgot To live in the here and now To ignore the what-ifs and have-beens To cherish every moment I love and breathe in now. I stopped creating memories and kept reliving the old ones I kept sweating over one sunset and forgotten the sun will rise again. Wasted is the Time I spent chasing someone else's dreams Holding onto promises not mine to keep Believing the insincere and the negatives. Wasted is the Time I spent hating myself for just existing  Shunning my imperfections and ...

A cup of Coffee I wish To stave off the creeping cold in me To lessen the chills of the weather And more of the hopelessness life brings with it. A cup of Coffee I need and my favourite book to read. A day on pause  No plans in tow Or distractions in sight. No friends or foe to entertain  Just my Coffee and me. No goals or deadlines to grasp A warm cup in my hands And my solitude keeping me company. A cup of Coffee I need Not questioning me for the beans I chose Or judging me for the cups I devour. A cup of Coffee is all I need today Warm, inviting and bitter It never hid its bitterness or aroma For those few connoisseur That deemed it precious after all.

I don't remember the exact words of Dumbledore in Harry Potter when he said.... It takes courage to fight your enemies  It takes even more courage to fight your friends (...and family) This is where its supposed to end.... But I wish to add a corollary. It takes a herculean amount of courage to fight ourselves. Our naked, self loathing and resenting selves. To move beyond our guilt and self reproach To courageously face our biases, limiting beliefs and ideologies. That my dear,  Is the bravest of them all the toughest of them all And frankly speaking, the most foolhardy of them all. Because how do we even begin fighting ourselves? To honestly re evaluate and rewire ourselves to the very core. To accept how and why we have lived till this day, might not be apt for us and then modulating it to suit our ever changing whims, times and ethos. I hope you agree that to face our inner demons is truly the scariest amongst the demons paying us a personal visit. It takes immense courage ...

I think there should be class on how to live life?  We spend most of our lives blasting and blundering through around absolutely clueless about our own aspirations, direction or purpose. We waste most of it on borrowed beliefs and ideas. We are so easily swayed by external manipulation, peer pressure and diktats of society. And before we know it, most of our life is done and dusted.  Then the epiphany strikes, that what we have been doing and how we have been living, is not how we actually we wanted it to be. But where do we go from there henceforth, is different for all. Some lament the loss of what they wanted but never tried for, and then waste the rest of the life drowning in the river of self blame and pessimism. Some blitz through the infamous mid-life crises reinventing themselves or seek frivolous or oftentimes mundane endeavours. Then there are some who get themselves entrenched in radicalizing ideologies, spiritualism bordering on fanaticism, and sometimes even cults...

Some stories are better left untold While some beg to be shouted from the rooftops. Some beg for an audience that never come  While some have become legends and fables. Some wither away in solitude, and then, there are stories of privilege that reek of pompous grandeur and entitlement. There are some that mesmerize us with their simplicity Their humble beginnings and endings to entice us all. Some are lost between agony and discord While some are bathed in camaraderie and love Some are hushed between whispers and surreptitious glances There are some that are engrained in our souls. The stories of those men and women how can we forget who have become akin to demons and gods. Then if we are careful to look for   lying under the rubble of defeat are the stories written by those who lost the war. All these are stories are meant to be shared read and told over and over again.  For what is our life but stories  That we have lived and breathed To be passed down for gen...

Do you know the hardest thing about love??? I think it's staying in love.   Falling in love is damm easy. Vibes match, thoughts match or we get attracted physically, emotionally, intellectually, there can be an innane number of reasons. The attraction is reciprocated and we are madly in love. Flattering compliments, love bombing, soul mates stuff!! But what about after ?? What about when honeymoon high wears off and those heart shaped red coloured glasses through which we envisioned our love and lover comes off?? What happens when reason, practicality, responsibilities, distractions, goals, reality jump in the middle ?? What happens when we begin to see their flaws and our insecurities begin their endless whisper?? Do we stay and fight it out, or run, or worse keep the other person hanging onto a possibility?? That is the toughest part of love.  The choice that defines 2 lives. We have to make it every second, minute and day we are in love. To stand by them against all odds, t...

Voices left unspoken and unheard Her words silenced In the cacophony of opinions Her all dreams were shattered. She once dreamt of flying high  But the freedom was merely an illusion  Under the garb of realism. Now she shrivels slowly  In the name of compromise  Adjusting to others moods and idiosyncracies  Losing herself over and over. Still her voice remains the unheard  Her silent screams ignored  Till she shattered loudly and desperately Now labelled a banshee She is denigrated for her outbreaks .

“Success” and “happiness”  I wanted it all. From young to as I grew old, It's meaning has changed with each passing fall. When I was small I wanted prizes and accolades  Cheers of my peers and persons And a large entourage I got it all and yet wanted some more...  As youth came to me success got a new meaning. Slowly those wins lost its shine,  Now I wanted money and promotion.   The curse of maturity, barter of our soul  and I raced to climb a never-ending staircase. Every win became a predecessor  To yet another unachieved dream and desire. Desire – the ringmaster made me do tricks Slowly the audience stopped clapping  and left me all alone As I won and lost what I desired there and then. Happiness and bliss flitted away and left me with emptiness in my core as I found a new meaning to the feeling of bliss I earlier thought was an outcome of success. As I get older and a little bit wiser Wiser – am I delusional!!!!  It's meaning has ch...

While the millennials were going through an existential crisis , in walked the G en Z , a generation I hold utmost respect for. They saw the world change, technology advance and so did they. Unlike their predecessors and successors they are not a lost generation . They have taken ownership of their life with finesse and aplomb. I am in awe of their control and vision.  This is a generation that redefined mental and emotional health and brought it to the forefront. A generation that showed strength and character does not lie in bearing and perseverance, but in self- accountability  and drawing boundaries where needed. A generation that is not bogged down by technology, but uses it to further their means and profession when required, but detox or limit it as soon as it endangers their personal safe space . While we were busy getting bashed up, beaten down, ridiculed and judged in name of concern, mistreated in name of responsibility, and touching feet of everyone under the su...

This might trigger some but recently I have come to the conclusion that we are using self-love as an excuse to let go. I agree loving thyself feels beautiful and liberating. I love that in the recent times we are not only recognising it, but actively investing in ourselves. Its actualisation brings us so much bliss and joy. But when we use it as a means to resist any change, self- improvement or constructive criticism, it is a problem. Self-love in actual sense means to love and accept ourselves freely (mind, body and faults included), all the while striving to improve ourselves and working on creating a better version of ourselves. Don't we always want our possessions and technology to get better over time? Then why stay outdated and stagnating ourselves? Why not make ourselves a little bit better by all means possible? Why not instead of changing the world we start at home with ourselves? What is wrong in slowly steadily and constantly improving ourselves? We tend to use it somet...

Time is finite and time waits for none. Yet time is the resource we waste the most. Time is unpredictable and non- renewable. Yet we spend it senselessly and without thought. Time is so precious and rewarding to those who treasure it. Yet we while it away waiting for the right moment that never comes. Time is now and time is here. But we live our time lamenting the past and fretting the future. Time is so little for plenty, But time is also bountiful for many. But remember time once lost, will never be recovered, unlike money. For some time is never enough, Some want this time to be over and done with,  and then are some in between  Who are not mindful of the time they are living and breathing. Time is running out as I write this and you read it. Yet we while away time in maybes and could have-beens. Time with our loved ones Time doing what we love with passion  Time fulfilling our purpose  Is time lived to its full potential.

Men in love An entity that definitely deserves a special mention for their tenderness, emotional quotient and quiet but succinct strength that we often overlook because of their overwhelming ability to show off erstwhile hidden emotions.Previously rare, but now slowly and steadily defying patriarchy and increasing in numbers and influence. Men in love Deserve to be appreciated more. They carry their emotions and vulnerability like a bouquet. Unafraid to cry yet terrified of the wrath of their significant other. They are ready to fight the world for the object of their affection, yet break down when the same person fights with them. Men in love Will defy the society and family for the ones they love. Will face ridicule for going above and beyond the bare minimum. Will stand silent and tall protecting you against all adversities and pain. They understand feminism means equality in all sense, be it in love, kitchen, work or world. They show up surely and silently when needed without askin...

It's okay to not be okay!!!!! When all seems to fall apart.  Hope becomes a dream, and getting out of bed feels hard. Smilling and performing seems a daunting task. Time becomes the prison and you serve the penance for losing you. It seems like you'll never find your lost parts. It's okay to not be okay!! It's okay to not have everything figured out, It's okay to pause and look within, When traditions seem limiting  And conventional feels like a cage. It's okay to stray from the timeline you mapped out thyself. It's okay to feel too much and it's okay too to let go. If u feel it doesn't serve you It's okay to not move forward,  It's okay to stop and reflect,  Or going backwards to make amends Who cares if it doesn't make sense. It's okay to catch a breath, and   It's okay to bow out of the rat race. It's okay to have boundaries. Walls that only few and precious can scale. Gates that open only to those who you deem deserving. I...

A quick to flare temper and impatience are two of my  worst vices and possibly the root cause of most of my physical, mental and emotional maladies. It will be convenient to attribute it to my fiery type A personality or maybe the fact that I am an Aries by horoscope, but that's cutting it easy. If I am not as driven or competitive as a type A,  I can surely not be impatient and quick to anger as one. Or atleast I can try to be. But sadly this short fuse is something I've failed to successfully rectify time and again. Over time  I agree I have mellowed down with age, but still the stormy temper brews silently below the surface. And ever so often something sets me off and the storm comes to the surface, leaving me with a bitter taste in its  aftermath. What I regret most about this issue are two things.  One, is the loss of control over our words that accompanies us on losing our cool. I believe words sent out and time lost can never return, and sometimes words d...

In this self serving age of individualism and self discovery can 'You' and 'I' really ever become 'Us'?  Where my ego triumphs over our harmony and your needs trumps over our happiness? Where being selfish and unwilling to compromise is lauded by many, how can we ever adjust or attune to each other's needs? I am ecstatic on discovering how to love myself and you are learning to put yourself first. But didn't 'Us' get lost in the whirlwind of I, me and mine. When did we last have a conversation with empathy and sensitivity? When did we last not get defensive while flattering our egos? When did we last actively and actually talked and aspired to clear the fog in our minds and relationship?It is about me and it is about you, but when will it become about us. What do we do to reach a place where you and I can coexist and co-prosper?  Maybe you should talk and listen with open hearts and souls. Maybe I should listen and talk sans offense or defense. M...

LOVE  An emotion that's long controlled hearts, souls & sanity Simple yet so so complex Afraid to lose, yet brave enough to fight the world Effortlessly full of effort.  In the wrong hands, it drains our very essence  In the right heart, it overflows and blooms Sometimes it makes our eyes sore Yet can suddenly make our hearts soar. It can slowly encroach the stoniest of souls  Encompassing their whole being.  We lose ourselves in it Yet some find their life's purpose in it. You feel you are falling in love  But then it makes one feel like they are flying high!! Love can often shatter you into pieces But it's love that then puts us back together again.  We love each other blatantly and fully rarely can we love ourselves in equal measure. Love, it comes in all forms and matter. It slowly and steadily creeps in  And catches us all unaware. No one can escape its trap It ensnares the loneliest and the strongest of us all.